Is it crazy? Am I crazy?
I want to have more children. There is an aspect of more babies that is scary and then also comforting. The scary part, more kids, more mouths, more money to feed those mouths and more of everything. The comforting part is that it just feels right. It feels like something I am meant to do. Something I am ready for. But there is also the other issue of my age. I am 36, a few months shy of 37, and getting older. We have this image of what our family looks like and it looks and feels right with 5 kids.
Five kids are something that when I say out loud doesn’t scare me. It’s not the number of kids that I am worried about. I think of all that they will have, with each other and with us. The Love and happiness they will all have is huge and I can’t wait to share that with them. And I suppose if something feels so right then everything will work out as it should. Right?
Now I sit here doing the math and thinking ok, 5 babies before 40. Not sure that can happen. Then again, my period returned only 4 months after Declan was born and now only 3 months after Miss Keavy. And Yes I exclusively breastfed and they did not take a pacifier before I started my periods again. So I could in all reality get pregnant with #3 in just a few days. That would put me at 3 babies under 3. It would mean that I would be having another baby 9 – 10 months from now. Is my body ready for that? Am I ready for that? In a lot of ways we could stop now and have two beautiful babies and things would be fine. But something about it doesn’t seem right, doesn’t seem complete.
There is nothing saying I have to get pregnant right now. I could wait. But I feel like if I wait, well I don’t know how I really feel about waiting. It just seems like if you are ready to jump in and systems seem to agree why wait. Baby weight is gone plus an extra 10. I feel great other than a pinched nerve and I want to say I look great.
I am babbling now. So, am I crazy? I know I will never regret having more babies, but I will definitely regret NOT having them